when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
