A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
