i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
