He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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