I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
