please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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