is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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