can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
