I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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