your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
