she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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