You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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