Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
