Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
