He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
