This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I wear drunk well.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
