Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
