i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
