my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
