His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
