Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
