I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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