Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
