dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
