I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
