Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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