the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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