Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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