i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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