Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
