We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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