Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
