sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
