sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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