so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Randomize
