I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
