Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
