just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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