haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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