I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You are the jesus of drinking
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
