who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
