WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
