i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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