I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
