Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
