So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
