You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
