She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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