Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
