If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
