My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I look better un-naked...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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