im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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